Living on the Stickers’ Edge

So this post is actually about New Years Resolutions and the desire to change

But first, a story about stickers.

Have you ever received stickers in the mail? Sometimes they come with magazines or promotions in an effort to get you to sign up for things that you don’t want or need. The ones that I receive are…

Disney stickers. Now, just so you know…I love Disney.

But there is a promotion which allows you to order a mass amount of movies for a “low price,” and to be honest, I don’t really need that many movies in my life.

(Also, I’m pretty sure that I already own most of the ones that they offer.)

For this promotion, how you sign up is that you take the stickers that are shaped like the DVD covers and place them in the handy-dandy “boxes below” to mark your preference. But with those stickers come other, decorative, round stickers, showcasing title characters’ faces a la the Disney charm. They are the lure that makes you even open the letter instead of immediately throwing it away in the rubbish bin (okay, so I’m American and we don’t call it the rubbish bin, but you get the general idea)

I love these stickers.

As in, really, really, really love these stickers.

My inner two-year-old starts laughing maniacally and jumping up and down with either joy or possessiveness. Sometimes both.

But I noticed that I never actually used them—I was always waiting for the “right moment” or place in which to put them; some place perfect, where I would see them all the time and they wouldn’t wear away. After all, I didn’t want to “waste” a sticker on a notebook that I knew that I would never use nor see.

This is an adult perspective I think; saving “the best for last,” and waiting until the right moment to enjoy my future happiness. Looking toward the future with the thought process of, “someday I’ll…”

When I was little I wasn’t like that—I lived in the moment, for the next thrill of stickerdom! My mother created little flipbooks for all of us (older) kids, in which if we did something well we received a reward of a sticker of our choice. If it was a small thing (like picking up toys or helping a sibling when they fell) we got a small sticker. Large stickers were rewards for more difficult tasks or activities (getting potty-trained earned us three large stickers, I’m pretty sure). 

I really, really loved that ratty, worn down, turquoise blue stickerbook. And I always felt happy when flipping through the silly thing, examining all the stickers that I had earned.

Similarly, when I served my mission in Japan I quickly learned that stickers are manna from Heaven. You could give them to children, use them to decorate your planners like crazy, exchange them with others, or turn them into prizes for activities. They were fantastic! And, because my younger sister is awesome and knew (from her mission) what a treasure they are, she kept sending me books of them!

Really, really nice Disney ones, at that. You better believe that the insides of my two-year calendar are plastered with them. ;-)

But after my childhood, and before the mission, I was unwilling to do so.

I horded my stickers, like a dragon crouching over its nest! (Just imagine it: a bushy-haired, turquoise colored dragon with the squint of bad eye sight. I would make a glorious dragon, I’m sure.)

And when I got back from the mission…it was almost too easy to go back. But then my lovely final mission companion, Sister Ibañez, put together a goodbye present for me (which also served as a birthday present, as I left for home the day after my 29^th birthday. Booyah. But I didn’t leave as the oldest missionary in the mission…because a 30-year old had arrived just a couple of months prior. Nuts. >__< ). It included a sticker that had been made for her, bearing the proud words, “I <3 Japan, Tokyo South Mission.”

At first I just kept it in my journal, because that was a safe place to put it. But then I realized that…I use my journal once a week (backtracking seven days, because I hate writing every day…and I can only remember seven days worth of events. >__<). So I would see the sticker pretty frequently! So I didn't need to just keep it in the plastic sleeve of the book--I could give it a place of honor on the page itself, where it wouldn't be shuffled around or accidentally lost! And then once that sticker was placed, it seemed appropriate that it not be left alone.

I finished that journal up for the year of 2016, and now I’m on to a new one (created by a lovely friend of mine). It’s a little bit too small for stickers, but my journal is the perfect size. So I don’t hesitate to put the stickers into place—with the added bonus of them being reference images, in the case of Nick and Judy from Zootopia, especially.

The long and short of these stories is this:

Keeping stickers on their sticky paper is like holding them back from their life’s purpose.

For a sticker to be enjoyed, it must be “stuck” somewhere, to be semi-permanent and admired.

Our lives can be lived much the same way. We can waste away our lives in a sea of mediocrity, always wishing and hoping that, “one day, things will change! I will change and improve! Someday.” Or, "I'll wait until the right moment to pursue this thing that I've wanted to do my entire life!"

But I don’t want to do that anymore; I don’t want to hold back my “stickers.”

Holding back on what we TRULY want to do by focusing on the practicality of the moment is a waste of our time and efforts—why want to be happy and/or successful in the future when we can start on the path now?

This year I will be turning thirty years old. I never thought much about it, before now. But now...I do.

• When I was 14 I wondered what it would be like to be 16 and 18 years old. Also, I received my Patriarchal Blessing and it set me on the course of wondering what my future would be like.
• When I was 18 I wished to be 21 (so that I could be taken seriously). Also, feeling guilty (and like you were going to be arrested for truancy) because you weren’t “in school” in the middle of the day got old, fast.
• When I was 21 I realized that no one really takes you seriously until you are 22 or 23. :| Also, I seriously considered going on a mission and prayed about it a lot, but ultimately things didn’t work out. So the impression I received was that it was okay, and to continue going to school and working on my callings and Church involvement. I also assumed that I would get married sometime within the next couple of years! Because, hey, the same thing had happened to my mother. So that all  would work out. :)
• From age 22-24 I just kept on “keeping on.” Losing track of time as I healed over some past issues and just found happiness in life and learned to love myself.
• At 25 I realized that I was a happy adult! :D But I felt a little spiritually stagnant. So when I received the prompting to go on a mission I shouldn’t have been as shocked as I was… XD But I totally was. Still! It was an answer to my prayer, so I started the uphill process of prepping for my mission while finishing my degree!
• Age 26 was filled with waiting for my mission papers...and then waiting some more, as they set the date for entering the MTC much further back than I had expected. Plus I had some medical and dental work to finish.
• At 27 I went on a mission and realized that, difference in age aside, all missionaries are sharing the same experiences at the same time and that made us equal. I loved all those young 19 to 20-something-year olds as though we’d been raised together. Year 28 was hard because of some medical issues, but was overall pleasant. And I really loved shocking people with the game of, “guess my age!” XD Also, I received personal revelation on what I truly wanted to do with my life. Which was surprising, but eye-opening.
• At 29 I returned feeling young and happy, ready to jump right into the world in front of me! :D I finally felt like it was time to take the next step in my life, to marry and start a family! Only to realize…that I only have two years left in the singles ward. :| And all those lovely RM friends I have…are quite a bit younger than me, and pairing off like penguins at a fancy ball. Both awkward and adorable at the same time. But that’s okay. :)

Additionally, I have this habit of thinking about individuals from scripture and what they did during their corresponding ages.

At 14 Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ.

At 15/16 Mormon was called to lead the Nephite armies.

At 24 Mormon retrieved the Gold Plates, and then started abridging them.

 

When Captain Moroni was 25 he was appointed over all of the Nephite armies, as well.

At age 26 Joseph Smith's beloved brother, Alvin, died.

And at age 30, Christ began His ministry.

This year I will be turning 30 years old. It's kind of an important year. Also, it’s going to be an adventure! Because, quite honestly, I don’t know what to expect from my thirties. I have no expectations at all. :|

Except that I feel like it's time to do something amazing. Both in changing myself, and doing something to make the world more beautiful, as talked about in the book, "Miss Rumphius."

So I resolve to do three things this year:

1. Become healthy. This includes a Zumba class I recently signed up for, and getting my bike fixed up and road ready so that I can ride it wherever I need to go. When on the mission I was healthy, happy, and slept well. Why can’t I have that now, too?

2. Learn once more to love myself the way that I am now, as a thirty-year old. In my twenties I had an epiphany that, in college, no one cares who you are or what you look like. This allowed me to shed my fear of judgment and bare my hairy arms, sporting sarcastic T-shirts and ratty jeans.

But I’m not really a poor, starving college student anymore. I feel like I’ve graduated past that point, and I am now an adult-adult. So to be seen that way by others I have to dress the part. I've been a little hesitant on this, as it's not the norm in America to be...well, nicely dressed all the time. We are kind of a Hoodie-and-Jeans type of society. Making me feel self-conscious every time I dress up, or made myself out to be "adorable." (Recently I was told that I was too old to wear bows in my hair...right after I finally got up the bravery to start wearing them! >__<)

But...I really do love it. And I feel like tucking myself back into my caterpillar cocoon keeps me from the butterfly I can become. So I will do my best to be less sloppy, to brush up on the style skills I learned in Japan, and start to dress the way that I see myself in my head. :) Spunky, stylish, confidant.

3. I want to write a book. And that includes other types of writing in general, such as updating my blog once a week and frequent journaling, just to get in the habit of putting my thoughts on paper.

As for the actual book, I was going to take a class through SLCC to help me by way of the class structure and expectations, but there were time conflicts. So I will just have to figure out another way to get the ball rolling. I’m sure that I will figure something out. :) This book has been waiting long enough to be written, and the characters are itching to be read. So one way or another they’ll come into the world.

In the meanwhile I will love my job and work as hard as I can. I am happy in my callings and, although slightly overwhelmed, things aren’t bad at all. I will continue doing service, and try to increase what I already do. I will welcome and fellowship others in need.

I am looking forward to the future and I’m not holding my “stickers” back anymore. It’s time to take risks and “stick” my heart in places that might seem wrong at first. But I know that such bravery—and a “living in the moment” attitude—will help me grow and meet new people.

Which is the happiest concept in the world.