Typically on Fridays I try to go to the temple. Going weekly is something that I've been instructed and challenged to do, and sometimes it's a struggle, but I do my best. And from that effort I've felt the Spirit frequently, made friends and acquaintances at the temple itself, and found answers when I ponder intently. Plus the train ride over involves me catching up on a week's worth of journaling.
I still need to do better, but I'm truly grateful that my schedule allows for it. :)
This week, though, right as I was about to head out the door (after a slow morning. It was the second day into the school I work at's Spring Break. And I somehow managed to turn off my alarm clock in my sleep... I must have really needed those extra hours of REM. XD ) when I received a text from a guy in my Ward, asking if I could join the missionaries for a lesson. I said that I could, and that either way I was doing the Lord's work, so all was well.
Then I texted the Elders, asking what we were teaching about. There was no response for a while (and, honestly, I think that my phone and theirs just really hate one another. Technology. *shrugs*) and so I just continued reading where I was. Which was Moroni 7.
I prayed to prep for my studies just as I always do, but this time I did it with incredibly sincere intent, like I used to during the mission, and then an amazing thing happened. I felt the Spirit stronger than I have in months, and I was guided from verse to verse, each part pounding into my soul.
Now, anyone who's read Moroni 7 is fairly aware that it's a powerhouse chapter of The Book of Mormon.
- It talks about faith, hope, and charity. And how each one is interconnected, and that without any of the three it's impossible to get into the Kingdom of God.
- There's also a lot about everything good being of God and everything evil being of the Devil, and how we need to judge between them righteously, not claiming that they're the opposite.
- It also speaks on how Angels are appointed to declare the gospel to those with faith, who pass on these same teachings to others.
But the biggest topic of all comes right back to faith (mentioned previously).
And my mind became completely fixated on it.
The fact that if we ask in faith, believing that we can receive, then we will struck me like a hammer. In part because I've been hoping for answers to a question lately, and I was reminded that while I've been asking, I'm not sure if I've been asking with real intent.
Miracles also happen for those who have faith! Angels administer to those with faith and the end result is miracles!
By faith we become the sons and daughters of God! Now, we are all spirit sons and daughters of God already, but there's a difference between having a spiritual heritage and living up to that spiritual heritage!
The Holy Ghost has a place in our hearts when we repent and have faith! As a missionary you pretty much feel the Holy Ghost all the time, give or take. This is the end result of following the rules put in place for missionaries, being set apart by the Priesthood for the calling, and praying every minute of every day for 18 months straight. (That's a lot of prayer! And it packs a punch!)
But when I got back from the mission the first thing that I noticed was that the Holy Ghost's presence was extremely diminished. That's okay, really--I was expecting it. And I went from praying about the welfare of scores of people to praying about the welfare of myself, my friends, and family. So I didn't really need as much help all the time, because the pool of people I was helping was much, much smaller.
But the promise of having faith and repenting (being worthy of it) is the Holy Ghost being a presence in our hearts! And that means the strength that it once did on my mission--where it was strong and peaceful and helped me have the assurance that the Lord was guiding my life and had everything well in hand.
It's harder to feel that now simply due to my life being so busy. I don't get to pray nearly as much, nor read the scriptures for the same length of time (I have a hard time sitting still enough as it is. I used to love Personal Study above all other study on the mission. Now I have a hard time just reading 15 minutes at morning and 15 at night. :| It's just a matter of there being too much going on in my life and too many distractions in the world).
Plus I fall asleep while praying a lot.
Which has taken away that sense of security within the Lord's hands. I know that He still is gently guiding my life, but I've become more impatient and anxious about the future.
But this scripture reminded me of the promise that I have to the Holy Ghost to comfort and guide me, providing that I am willing to put in the time and have the faith to call upon the Lord to help me in my time of need and sorrows.
After doing this reading my heart was swelling with gratitude for faith and the many blessings the Lord has given us, in order to greater bless us even more. With this in mind, I kept reading even as I walked to the bus stop in order to go to my appointment at the Institute building.
As I did so, while wearing a cute black skirt, turquoise blouse, jean jacket and Keds (so a half-dressy, half casual look as I didn't know how fancy I needed to be for the appointment) a middle-aged man came up, smiled at me politely and greeted me.
He had a tired look to him, with tanned, weather-beaten skin, a blue shirt and jeans, a backpack and a baseball cap. I couldn't see his hair because of the hat, but his eyes were blue, I think, and he had a face that had probably looked young for a long time before abruptly becoming tired.
I smiled back, said hello, and returned to my reading.
Then he asked me about what I was reading in The Book of Mormon--the man said the title of the book specifically, indicating that he was familiar with it.
I explained that I was in Moroni 7 and, not know completely how to summarize, I said that I was reading about faith. How it can bring about wonderful things and that I had just realized that maybe I needed to work on my faith some more.
He then smiled and asked if I believed that.
And I don't know what it was, but I just started talking! The most amazing things started coming out (and let's see if I can remember them all). I know that in the scriptures it says that if you have the Spirit and you are spiritually prepared then you can open your mouth and it will be filled, and that's kind of what happened this time.
(Bearing in mind that I only half-remember what I said then, and that it's all about to come out in one long ramble-tangent. XD )
I remember telling him about how, yes, I did believe it. And that faith was about trusting the Lord and it's half belief and half action. I don't know what made me say it, but I opened right up to him then and there and said that my father was in prison and that his choices had created ripples throughout my family, for good and for ill. Everyone had been affected, and some of my family had become harmed because of it and some have become stronger because of it. But despite everything, I have to trust and have faith that the Lord is leading my life and that He is watching out for me. Which then reminded me of an article I recently read online, about a set of twins. How both of them had been beaten and locked in a closet by their mother, and one said that, "then and there, I knew that I wasn't worth anything," meanwhile the other said, "then and there I knew that I was worth so much more than what she saw in me."
Then he asked, "well, if that's true, then why do so many bad things happen to good people?"
I replied that this was a good question, and that the best way to answer is to say that sometimes bad things happen because of other people's agency, and sometimes they happen because of circumstance. But my opinion is that no matter what happens it's an opportunity for us to become stronger and better people. That it can make us bitter or better. And that the Lord is always just trying to make us stronger and to help us in our lives and that we need to rely on Him.
The last thing he asked, as the bus was coming up, was what I meant by the "action" part of belief + action. And I responded with, "our choices," and he made sort of an, "ah-hah!" cry, which I think he meant to indicate that he had caught me in my own words or something, but I can't see how that would be, because I honestly think that it is our choices--how to act on what we are experiencing--that defines us.
Plus the idea of, "so you believe in _____, now what are you going to do about it?" It's one thing to know that the Gospel is true and that God is our Loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is our Savior. It's another thing entirely to act upon that knowledge, to share it with others and to act as Christ would act had He been present.
After that our conversation was cut off as I realized that a friend of mine from church was on the bus and we happily chatted away until her stop and mine, but I could see him watching us and especially paying attention to my cheerfulness in light of the difficulties I explained that I had experienced.
I didn't get to speak with him further, but I did happily say goodbye as I got off. Now, the lesson with the missionaries that day went okay--it really did! My studies had prepared me and the question they asked me was about faith.
But I honestly feel like the more important interaction that day happened before I got on the bus to meet with them. Where the Lord timed things exactly so that I could bear testimony on faith, on the love of the Lord, and the fact that we need to trust in the Lord even when bad things happen.
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