This post was actually going to be a funny satire/reflection.
Until today when, in the same old questioning format, it came to my attention that I am, in fact, Single.
Who knew?
Yes, as a result of not one, but two companions of mine from the mission getting married in the course of the same week (with four total marriages happening in the span of less than a month), I was asked, neither for the first time nor the last time in my life, when I would be doing the same.
Yes. Much laughing. Ha. Ha.
Ha.
Now why is that, I wonder? Why exactly am I single?
Could it be that I'm just seen as a friend/younger sister by everyone I meet?
Perhaps it's that I'm the only one left in my age group?
Maybe it has something to do with my incredible awkwardness around the opposite sex?
Or it could be something about the way I look...?
Conversely, maybe the problem is that all I seem to do is attract stalkers...
(This one is a valid concern, by the way. o__O It happens far too often for it to be coincidental...)
Because you better believe that whenever I get asked the question, "when will it be your turn? Ha ha ha," these questions are what go through my mind.
So here we go, a post about what it's REALLY like being Single...in a Singles Ward.
When you're Thirty years old.
First! Does anybody remember that old Singles Ward movie?
If not, I found it on Youtube. (You can find anything on Youtube...Muahahaha...) Watch it in the expectation of fun awkwardness. :3
Do you remember how ridiculous it was? Cheesy? Dated? Full of tropes.
It's 100% accurate and real. There, I've said it. Let's move on from here.
But before we do, for those unfamiliar with certain terms...
Some Quick Learning: A Ward is a local congregation within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Most are based on location, but some are based on demographic. A Young Single Adult Ward only has people from ages 18-30...and the Bishopric, for leadership purposes. The term "Singles Ward" can refer to an older Singles Ward (31-60), as well, or a Mid-Singles Ward (31-40), which is a recent thing.
I started coming to a (Young) Singles Ward when I was eighteen years old. It was in the same building that I attend church in currently at thirty. Spooky, right? I remember feeling like this:
The above is an actual photo of me at 18. Although I may have lost my glasses somewhere...
Wait, I found the below one from when I was 19. *coughs* Yep. #100%accurate
Okay, but actually, all this swooning is a complete joke on my part. I was mostly a bouncy, optimistic figure who made friends as fast as she alienated people who didn't understand her.
And if there WAS a guy that I liked, I became the lurking queen of awkward. Totally shy for a loooooong time.
Now, it's good to know that intentional or not, in the Singles Ward there are types.
The Hot Home Teachers. I have had ones that either dated or married my roommates in the past. And...only seemed to see me as a younger sister. :| (This gif is being used as an inside joke, btw. :| )
Then there were the Returned Missionaries that suddenly seemed "All Grown Up."
The Elders Quorum President.
The adorable Regular Joes.
The Bad Boys.
(Okay, that last one never really happened. A few of them tried, but if they were coming to church then generally they were just trying to seem like bad boys. XD I just wanted to match up the gifs of Loki and Darcy because I totally ship them. XD )
On the girl side of things, the dynamics are much the same.
Visiting Teachers/Partners/Teach-ees. They are partnerships matched up to visit 4 or 5 girls in the Ward and teach them a lesson once a month/see how they are dealing with life. Basically an organized friendship circle.
The girls who conquered their missions hardcore, and came back better than ever.
The Relief Society President.
All those lovely, snarky, intelligent 25+ ladies who are well-educated and just fun to be around.
And the ones that rock, hardcore.
I think that there's this misnomer that if you're in a Singles Ward you have to be either this "Molly Mormon," or "Peter Priesthood," type personality (aka Super-Uber-Totally-Religious-Always-Goes-On-Pioneer-Treks-and-makes-Jello-With-Carrots). But, really, you don't. I've found some of my best friends in the Singles Wards I've been in.
I know a lot of people that knock the Singles Wards because of the negative things that they've heard but, honestly, it's a great place to be to make life-minded friendships.
It really is the best way to meet a variety of people within that age group with overlapping interests and values. Being that I've been in a Singles Ward for *counts on fingers* 12 years I've seen a lot of friends find the love of their lives. Which is an absolutely lovely thing! I'm so happy for them!
That being said, the mentality of, "you're here to get married," sometimes makes me feel like I'm on the Marriage Market that Jane Austen and other authors talk about with so much irony...
There's the Singles' Anthem to take into account:
While the RMs I run into be like:
Families are all:
Ward Leadership be like:
"There is no such thing as 'One True Love.'" Only two people that are willing to make a relationship work with the help of the Lord. Etc. etc.
Meanwhile, us late Twenties to Thirty-somethings say, when the subject of marriage comes up in combined Relief Society/Priesthood meetings...
It's a bit of a sore point.
Like talking about how Captain America didn't get the girl until eighty-plus years later. And then it was her grand-niece. :|
Honestly, I don't mind where I am. I feel that, at thirty, I have done my very best to improve myself. I have learned how to interact with others, to love those around me, to seek the Lord for help and I know the importance of an education, a sense of independence, and the desire to always learn and grow. I want to always be learning something and trying something new!
It's only when I'm reminded that I'm single that it's really ever a problem.
And it's not even so much that I'm single. It's the fact that when people point it out, my singleness is paired with the insinuation that because I'm single at the age I am something must be wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with me. There's really not.
I mean, I do have some trust issues based on the trauma I experienced as a young child. That does tend to get in the way, admittedly. :S But I still date and still try my best to build relationships and make friends.
Sometimes I get the comment that it might be that I'm "too picky." This has been inferred by several well-meaning individuals in the past.
Guys, please don't say that. It hurts just as much as when you "accidentally" make it seem like there's something wrong with me for not having married yet.
It's not being too picky to want a worthy Priesthood holder, who loves kids, and has a relationship with me built on strong friendship.
That's three things:
1. Worthy of a Temple Recommend (Because I want to be with him for eternity if we do marry)
2. Loves Kids
3. Is my friend
It's not like I want someone tall, dark, and handsome with grey eyes and built like a linebacker. Who also bakes. And always does the dishes for me. And is also possibly Batman. That's not what I'm aiming for.
I just want to find someone who finds important the things that I also find important. The Gospel of Jesus Christ, children, and a strong and healthy bond of trust.
Until then, my happiness isn't reliant upon whether or not I'm in a relationship. Sure, it can feel a little like this sometimes:
Just killing time, basically. Spinning my wheels until "Someday My Prince Will Come." But if I am waiting for my eternal companion, it's not while hanging around, doing nothing.
The journey is what is making me better.
And I'm not going to change myself for the sake of "making a catch." If I will marry it will be to someone that loves me for me, not because I am pretending to be something that I'm not.
Eventually, within the Lord's timing, things will change one day.
I know that. I have that hope. All will be well.
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