My Sabbath 15: Long Week

There's been a lot of ups and downs this week.

At the beginning of the week I was feeling VERY antisocial. Some things were bothering me and it had all added up, including details like:

1. Father's Day coming up. Since my Dad was in prison for most of my teenager-to-adult life it's basically like not having a dad. I usually attempt to be optimistic and focus on all the good fathers out there, my guy friends who will eventually become fathers, and all the stand-in father figures who have mended the broken hearts of children/grown children everywhere. Buuuuut last Monday I wasn't wanting to be optimistic--I just wanted to have nothing to do with the holiday. XD ESPECIALLY as Facebook kept sending Father's Day ads my way. Blegh. 
   
2. Summer is the time of romance and engagement. Given that I am 31 years old and was in the Singles Ward for 13 years, I have attended a lot of weddings in my time. But sometimes it's kind of a kick in the pants to see people around you getting engaged right and left, when you are alone and frequently lonely. (Okay, not frequently, frequently. But enough to have waves of sadness creep up on you when you don't expect it.) So I was officially "DONE" with people posting happy engagement pictures on Facebook. I mean, I was always happy for them--they are, after all, my friends--I just wasn't happy for me. :| Moving on past this pity party...
   
   
   
   
3. People rely on me to be strong, and I just couldn't do it. That definitely was the last thing that was the straw which broke the camel's back, to use an old phrase. Lately a couple of people have really relied on me--to be their sounding board, to cheer them up when they are down, to give them advice, to listen to them as they talk about boy drama, to tell them that everything is going to be okay. But no one really does that for me. They just assume that I will continue being optimistic and happy and having the energy and strength to handle everything and everyone. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

So  I was in a kind of "hate the world" mood. And since one of the flaws of Facebook is that people only show their "perfect, happy faces" to the world I opted to tell the truth for once.

(Not that I don't  normally tell the truth. Typically I really am a happy person. Just not that day. :| )

Several people tried to help me out of it. Unfortunately, many of them are the ones that rely on me for strength and so even a casual conversation can emotionally drain me. Everyone was well-meaning, but, honestly, I just wish that they had respected my wishes and left me alone instead of calling to ask me what was wrong and offer to help me. >__< That was incredibly frustrating.

Except for my little sister. :) She didn't attempt to call me, and I appreciate her for it. She understands what it's like to be so emotionally overloaded that you just can't deal with anyone else's crap anymore. Other people don't understand that as much.

A friend from the mission, however, tried to make sure that I was okay.

His approach was different--it was via messenger, for one, and through the course of our conversation we got down to the meat of the problem and how I felt like my world had been shaken up by a revelation I had received recently. And that it was, in fact, a trial to help me turn to Heavenly Father for help.

That it was an opportunity to trust Him more and turn towards Him for aid. After that dialogue, I was able to have a conversation with someone that I love dearly who I (previously) just didn't have the energy to help. But I Ganbarou-ed (がんばりました！) through it and ultimately we both saw a miracle in the form of me advising them to speak with someone, and then that very person appearing at their house on a whim, following a spiritual prompting! :D  Which helped lift both their mood and mine. :)

The rest of the week was a back and forth between being productive, getting some massive To Do list items done (including tasks that had built up over time since I initially moved into my room in this new Condo) and finishing crafts that have been sitting around for a year or so. Getting those done was very fulfilling and it was either last week or this week that I also got a little bit of writing done, which makes me happy. :D

Mid-week, though, I was plagued by some of my personal demons, followed by feelings of inadequacy and shame. But I have been working on that since then and things are getting better. (Once again, がんばります！)

Then on Saturday my Roommate Liz and I went to Logan for their SUMMERFEST! :D It's something I used to go to every year as a child, growing up in Logan, Utah. She had never seen the area, so we drove on up and enjoyed the scenery and went to all the booths and took photos and ate great food. I also purchased a hand-made mug, as I always do at festivals, and some card prints of an artist who creates landscape illustrations using oil paint and embroidery floss! :D her ability to create Aerial Perspective using embroidery is absolutely brilliant, so I ended up purchasing a full set of six (as I am too poor to buy multiple prints, and this way I can add to my collection of cards of fine art from the Getty Museum and other places. :) ).

The fun part about having multiple images is that you have the means to give some away to your friends! :D

So the week ended up on a high note, even if the beginning of the week was a trial. But things ended up okay.

Plus now today is my brother's birthday! :D A TRUE reason for me to celebrate. <3